However deeper the carvings of suffering dig into your heart,
if you learn to allow yourself to allow the phantoms of your heart to be experienced again in the moment,
There brings a chance to reconsider the weight of that pain.
A chance to forgive and accept it for good.
part of that phantom is resurrected, if not entirely.
Each time, even if it’s a little bit, there is a warmth of peace,
so rare and sweet to you alone
You can become addicted to emotional breakthough’s.
and This addiction, ironically, is Most often a powerful enchantment of self-healing.
It’s a hard devotion, but the war can always be won.
So the Therapist I need, I need to talk to someone. Should I talk to myself? should I talk to the computer?
do you like Ice cream? me too.
i’m sorry you can’t actually enjoy ice cream, computer.
Welcome to AMERICA
where you have two options, because only two colors exist.
One color represents SELF EMPOWERMENT by any means. step on the faces of everyone because nobody else matters. This Color would fight Tooth and Nail for your Right to Commit Genocide.
the Other Color is all about SELF UNDOING!! but Don’t get spiritual, because there’s no room to evolve into a better future for you, or anyone else. that get UNDONE as soon as there’s Any Hope!
these Definitions were taken from
“**Inside Degrees** **Developing Your Soul Biography Using the Chandra Symbols** By Ellias Lonsdale”
Below is the Planets and signs from my Natal Chart correlated with the degree’s on this site.
LIBRA Sun 28
A single white swan swimming through gray mist.
Different and the same. Distinguished by vertical composure, yet intended to stay down under. A special destiny-task, a mission, an assignment. Taught to blend in and become each world passed through, yet remaining incorrigibly other. Excellent at taking up required roles and ways of life and finding the best in them. You have a remarkable social gift for making the world a better place. Endowed with higher characteristics and heavenly nature, you are sublime, yet shrugging self off–"no big deal." The wonders of anonymity. So many changes to move through, rippling waves of time. Standing far above, dispassionately: "I shall do what is rightful." The singular voice of the highest ethic, pure and essentialized.
ARIES Moon 17
A bodiless head asleep on the beach.
Cast into exile, sworn to silence. Held to an ancient code to be a watcher, a perfect witness to the inward reverberations of all things. Outward events and experiences are gone, mean nothing here. All that counts is to sense into things, to remember the essence and to know the forgotten worlds. It is a lonely vigil, a strange destiny, with a piquant flavor of sorrow mixed with exultation. What others are happy with is far out of reach, unimaginable. Yet what so many others miss and are put off from is here vividly, vibrantly indwelled every moment, which sweetens the bitter cup and allows the greater task to be taken up with a surrendered will and a quiet, inward repose.
SCORPIO ASCENDANT 9
A hand with six fingers.
Complex nature. Containing within yourself an extra spiral of self-obsession and ultimately superlative capacity. Subjecting yourself to grueling ordeals, rites of passage. Knowing that if you can eliminate your stark weakness, you can grasp hold of your boundless strength. The weakness is that you refuse to believe in yourself, and this is a hard one to uproot. You must, against the grain, find any and every possible way to get around your own adamant self-rejection. The weakness is based upon karmic past experiences in which you failed yourself. Now you assume it will happen again. So, building up strength and courage inside, toward self-overcoming, is the path. And paradoxically, in order to forge such a deepening of life-will, you must endanger yourself and expose yourself to radical crises, in order to rally to your own side and come into your truth in the midst of cutting through your falsehood; thus reclaiming the primal ground of a form of selfhood that is mutational, wildly improbable, and just could be real after all.
SCORPIO Mercury 11
Gnarled twisted trees against an overcast sky.
Seeing the worst, feeling the worst, knowing the worst. In tune with darkness, difficulty, and melodrama, you are sharply drawn to points of view and ways of life that bear the stamp of irony, skepticism, and doubt. There can be a corrosive immersion in cycles of falling for the worst. However, you are closely watched by guiding spirits and allowed to become only so far shadowed. And then a massive corrective action asserts itself, reversing many terrifying patterns. Playing with fire, checking out the dark side of the tracks. But inwardly you seek regeneration and even salvation in the most unlikely places, which in the ultimate reckoning may be the most likely places.
VIRGO Venus 12
A dog sniffing a dead animal.
Searching for clues, you probe the straight line and the intricate curve, tapping the mind’s powers for intricate operations. Prone to find the pathological, the destructive, and the inverted, the bloodhound sleuth checking everything out everywhere. Curious, fascinated, alive with speculations, hunches, notions. Wanting to track something down, to get resolution. Needing to know, poking about in the dark. You possess remarkable senses and an almost purely telepathic mind, tremendously skilled and adroit. But you can get poisoned by skepticisms and by too heavy an exposure to the dark underbelly of things. Desperate to learn how to also accept and embrace all that is, unconditionally, to let go into rightfulness and goodness in the very thick of things being rotten and pervasively wrong.
SCORPIO Mars 3
Pigs being fed.
Feast or famine. Generating a world with an on or off switch. By pressing the off switch habitually, none of your deeper needs or desires are being met, and you resent this with an internal grumble that eats away at your substance. The on switch, pressed in emergencies when you have nothing left, pulls in a very full response to what you crave. Suddenly everybody and everything are there filling you up with goodies. Yet as soon as you have had your fill you starve yourself down to spiritual emaciation. Denying yourself everything is a karmic pattern that you are chronically hooked on. Granting yourself brief reprieves from this ancient sentence is the only way to blow off steam and survive for another round. However, you do acquire a taste for the plus state to come, realizing that if you can release the past, everyone else is willing. And all signs are forward as soon as you let up stinging yourself for past misdeeds and come afresh to life, hungry and willing.
VIRGO Jupiter 7
A pie thrown in someone’s face.
Action and reaction. Reflexive mirroring of self by world and world by self. You are forced to confront yourself everywhere. Starkly compelled to deal with karmas of the past returned: who did what to whom. Conflict, strife, tension, and pressure. Mischief and the unexpected . On guard. Agreeing to meet yourself through others and to find intimate reverberations from every side. You have an overwhelming experience of running into the consequences for even what you thought–a wrap-around world of breakthroughs, quandaries, alliances and dangers. On red alert twenty-five hours a day, knowing that you cannot turn your back on threat or opportunity. Everything is obvious and supersubtle, gross and elusive, tightly known and vastly beyond conception.
AQUARIUS Saturn 1
A two-headed calf.
Taking a good look at things with an eager eye brings you right into the middle of the dilemma of polarities. As you stand there faced with the different sides, you are impartial; neither side pulls you more sharply than the other. Immense opportunity. Huge challenge. You have vital potential for brilliant synthesis, but a subtle temptation to think too long. A schooling in alchemy in every moment–do you find what is ready to emerge or do you think about it? Progressive evolution draws you through all your mistakes into all that can be.
CAPRICORN Uranus 10
A man drinking blood from the vein in a horse’s leg.
Being driven to tap whatever source promises inward sustenance, you are wildly propelled to journey anywhere, do anything, go to any lengths to come upon something vital here in the world. Tending to feel desperate, abandoned, forsaken. Unable to find what you crave in any of the usual places. Instead, magnetized to the wild and the free and whatever has yet to become tainted by civilization. Drawn far back to gain propulsion to go forward with conviction and power, and with deep embodied presence that cannot be taken away from itself by any passing wind.
CAPRICORN Neptune 14
Beads carved from human bone.
The body carries memories of every world we have ever been through. These memory strings or beads bind us to the Earth. We feel pinned to the spot, responsible for everything that happens around us–somehow the one in charge. For we are carrying the continuous memory and legacy of the ancient mystery-streams and of forgotten modes of knowledge. We bear the treasures intact. It makes everything count. It means that we cannot get away from ourselves or our fate for a moment; we are compelled to fulfill our vows and to bring into this world the towering awareness and strange resonance of the giants, of the ancestors, of the great ones, of the inner ways. Never lost; impossible to forget.
SCORPIO Pluto 19
A rope going up into the sky.
Cosmic connections left dangling until personal dramas have spent themselves, which takes a very long time. But the cosmic overtones accompany every phase of the journey. They give a peculiar quality to the auric field, as though everything already knew its origin and destination and that knowingness had turned all the colors up a notch. This puts the little self sharply on the spot, for everything is heightened, especially including the dramatic power of distortions and negations. These are amplified to an almost unbearable extent. An internal battleground between a surpassingly cosmic nature and a grossly fallen and distorted personal-emotional syndrome. And it is the way of things that the spotlighted karmic cycle of catching yourself in the act of being false must be consumed before the waiting realizations and reunions become fulfilled. A very sharp edge to events, with so much riding on seeing through your own folly, and freeing up the life-force to respond to the greater worlds with a tug and a sign that there is somebody home after all. The greater cycles can now begin.
CAPRICORN TRUE NODE 12
A beautiful, erotic fat woman eating chocolates.
Obsession with images of what is desirable and undesirable. Polarization of the inward awareness between plus and minus. The extreme reliance upon external proof, external props, and external projection. Everything blown up to be so dramatic, so total, and so pressurized that what comes forth is the inversion of what is sought. Placing yourself in predicaments and dilemmas which are impossible and gross. Yet being stalwartly resistant to getting the message that when you persist in polarizing your world between the absolute ideal and the abysmal norm, you tear apart your world and your being.
LEO MIDHEAVEN 7
A very weak cup of tea.
The outward performance is thin and tenuous, not much there at all. The inner journey is huge. You are concentrating so utterly upon the cosmic mysteries that all personal and even individual reputation and reflection seem pathetically small and insignificant. You are being zapped by huge forces, taken on the cosmic grand tour. As the deep inner opens, the surface outer becomes formal and almost wooden. You are called away. Rarely present in a human context. It all depends upon how far you are willing and able to go with this. If you blast free into an expanded selfhood activation, everything will form around that whole new world to be in. But if, as so often happens, you are not quite here, but not quite all there yet either, the transitions can be excruciating; as you prepare for the infinite life, but are hooked back into the regular life and snagged by image and impression. For you will be consistently reflected back to self as one fragment of yourself and this can be awkward and inwardly agonizing. All you want is to wake up and become your greater self. And meanwhile your lesser self has lots to handle, standing in for someone who is never quite home.
CAPRICORN LILITH 1
A canopy bed with curtains.
Standing on the inside of life. Protected and guarded, guided and led. Held fast. Kept so far back inside that what does express itself is purely a ceremonial display, a formal declaration. The observer or witness empowered to prevail–able to see, to realize, to comprehend the mysteries. Clairvoyance. Keenly sensing and viewing meaning and value, purpose and spirit backbone. So very strongly and steadily directed from within that there is no outer, there is no thing to do. Instead, you center yourself and align with who you truly are and stalwartly remain in the place of authority and power and inward truth as your statement and the only thing you know.
LEO CHIRON 8
A young woman sits at a piano and improvises beautiful music.
Aristocracy and fine breeding open a space for the inner heart to sing. Being aware that you are given manifest advantages which make it likely that your talents and abilities can flourish. Past life attainment pulls in present lifetime congenial context. But a shadow creeps over this beautiful scene. You take on how others see you and reflect you. Which leads to, in one direction, becoming the performer who plays to the audience, losing your center. And in the other direction, to becoming the one who suppresses and feels guilty about outstanding individual attributes and colludes in going against yourself. Many possible directions. It all depends upon ripening to be simultaneously proud and humble, magnificent and sober. A path of character evolvement with many places to get lost and a very strong will to work through it all, becoming fully who you are in a way that gives life to everybody and takes nothing away from anybody anywhere.
SCORPIO CERES 28
A building: the only part of it left is the cornerstone.
Sacrificing and renouncing the full flood of all you are capable of in order to make way for the bare bones of what stark destiny insists upon. Dropping everything to become attuned to collective destiny calls. Doing so often with considerable damage to yourself. A ruthless will, a fierce life direction. Almost no self-compassion or self-sympathy. It has got be this way if you are intent upon making yourself available to what is asked or intended, with every part of yourself out of the picture except your core indomitable conviction that something hugely important is going on here and all personal considerations are as nothing. This is a path that will draw you through some scary and extreme places–many deaths–and can draw you into a place of sheer one-pointed reality, into becoming as lucidly all here as can humanly be attained.
SCORPIO PALLAS 5
An Egyptian queen with a braided beard.
Bearing intact ancient faculties of an unusual kind. Held between polarities. Fusing together darkness and light, masculine and feminine, earthly and heavenly. An enigma or riddle of destiny. You are motivated to bring together what has been rent asunder by an implacable force of blind determination. Exceedingly resistant to distraction and diversion, you’re almost maniacally committed to reforging an initiate’s vision in contemporary application. Where the past is held with such undiminished force, it remains at work inside forever. To tap this place wisely and well requires consummate skill. Otherwise, it tends to be self-serious, obsessive-compulsive, and in many ways indigestible in its obdurate reassertion of ancient codes, with so little sensitivity to the human factor.
CAPRICORN JUNO 21
A stately old house in a ruined condition.
Karmic entanglement in patterns, syndromes, and worlds which have no future. Dwelling in worlds apart and worlds gone by. Intent upon salvaging the essence-spark of what was once there and claims your allegiance still. You are heavily drawn back in a virtual stupor or enchantment of following out a script, fulfilling a fate. Every line written ahead of time. Starchy and formal. Haunted, intrigued, bound up within what would seem to be no longer happening. Yet inwardly brooding all-pervasively upon the reverberations and echoes of what went wrong, of what was lost, of the severances and the tragedies. Doomed to stay in the lost places until Divine Spirit intervenes. Self-sentenced to limbo, half glad of it and half miserable and full of longings.
VIRGO VESTA 2
A man hanging upside down from a tree.
Out of phase with the personal ego-mind, in phase with the greater laws, you are absolutely forced to stay put, to sit tight, to watch and listen and say and do as little as possible. A fair witness to what is happening all around, with no personal vantage point. Being a truth vessel–perfectly designed to hold the truth and nothing but. Uncomprehending of perversity and corruption, and naive to all radical distortion, but you are surpassingly aware of what is good and what is true and of the ways in which the greater laws are being played out in this world. Gifted in observing and appreciating how the Divine Will prevails, how the light penetrates the darkness. Simply there to be with the constructive and the upbuilding energies and forces. The pure idealist in the perfect position to be strictly transparent.