Questioning Everything

what gives?

For the uncountable times I’ve fallen into this notch of thought, I don’t seem to have figured out how to get myself through it with the dreamed brilliance I wish for. I’m pretty sure this is the Existential Crisis I hear about, usually in the form of jokes from people experiencing it. My soul too often feels claustrophobic and trapped in this Human Body. Like the Paradigm most certain of itself: Faith; It collides within me as I have ventured into life with the notion of Questioning Everything.

This doesn’t seem like a mental routine worth repeating. It overwhelms my decision making, leaving the ability to ‘Get things done’ hesitative, slow, and — Maybe it’s something more than an Idea. More than the development of Trust.

Trust

There may be an innate necessity that doesn’t get the same stage-time as The need to drink and eat. The Need to Trust can only contribute to whatever use we get from it as long as it is nourished, and practiced. Faith is a level of Trust, usually in the Supreme Something that is like a god.

{I just bit my own lip, that shit sucks}

Having Focusing my efforts to learn the universe objectively in Questioning Everything, my faith in any religion was scooped up and set aside {on my shoulder}. For the last Decade, I have sadly ignored my little heap of faith. It was always right there on my shoulder, but I never heard it. that is, I never knew who was speaking it’s cries.

Looking back, I think I found ways to place some faith wherever I could.

• Music — It’s always been a force of magic in my life experience. The beauty of it, the Power it has over Everything, and the endless possibilities to be composed.
• Friends — These are some of the most fundamental connections we can keep in a healthy life, as it leads to forming a Family, regardless of any situational context of marriage and children. I mean Brothers and Sisters, and our greatest allies. This I believe is a natural outlet for Faith as we have it, and It’s helped me along this far.
• A Better World — I mean you know.
• Love — This hasn’t been as much of an outlet as I’d wish it could be, but To Love someone with all the warmth of your heart is a Locking of Trust. It can be very strong.

there is still a lot of Faith sitting un-used.

It needs to get out.

this might be a common problem with people who grew up in a religious mono-culture, and have now left for reasons their own.

I would think we can get past this symptom of damage, however it likely can never be easy.

I refuse to stay Broken.

Let the Faith out, and the power of benevolence will ignite life again.